Some girls get tattoos of the eating disorder recovery symbol upon leaving treatment. But I don't see myself as always being defined - or ever being defined - as someone who recovered from an eating disorder. I want to be someone who uses the skills I learned in treatment to battle all of the difficult things life throws out me, the eating disorder being just one. So, to remind me of this, I got a tattoo on my right shoulder that says "above the storm." The idea came to me in a reflective writing group a couple of weeks ago; it was part of a quote I liked.
Monday, February 23, 2009
When I was younger, I never thought I would get a tattoo. But, today, I got my second one. As someone who cycles through phases of stability and depression, I am often in a state where I lose faith in myself. When I am stable, I am confident in my ability to achieve my dreams and can see my good qualities. When I'm depressed, I think that the "stable me" is wrong -- I have no talents, I'm not smart, I can't function like normal people, and I'm incapable of achieving my goals. The first tattoo I got was a reminder to my depressed self that there is a version of me that knows that these are distortions. I have "touch the sky" tattooed in white on my left wrist. I see it every day, but others don't see it unless I show it to them. It's a permanent, private affirmation.