I'm sitting in Central Park. I'm dealing with what's in my head, for a few minutes, without escaping. My apartment often serves as endless distraction, avoidance, self-destruction. By getting out, I'm shaking things up in my head. I'm not using the same noises to drown out my thoughts and feelings. There are different stimuli, so I can't be completely numb. I have to take things in, simple things like temperature, people walking by, the light. I have to recognize myself as an entity, separate from my surroundings. I am a person, making use of a worn bench, in a park. I exist. I might not have a big impact, but I exist. Right now, I am not hiding. People can see me. I am accounted for. Even if no one really notices, by being outside, in a world shared with other people and animals, I am acknowledging myself. I have a responsibility on this planet, even if it is just to be another living human, someone people pass by, someone in the park, on a bench. I exist. And that is important. It is important that I exist no matter what I do or don't do. When I'm here, outside, I'm not hiding from everyone; I'm not hiding from myself. And that's something.
This is a beautiful piece of writing, Lily. Perfect time of year to get outside. It's not for nothing than most of my recent recipes have been for picnics ;-)
ReplyDeleteI fully agree, it is a beautiful piece of writing. Working at home, I can easely spend a day without going out, but on those days, I always feel like something is missing. I feel going out is a very important way to break routine and go back to "reality".
ReplyDeleteThank you guys so much. It means a lot to me that two writers liked what I wrote. I was having a difficult time with the idea of giving advice right now, so I thought I'd just try putting my experience using a survival skill. I'm so lucky to have Central Park nearby. It's a great escape, and SO beautiful this time of year.
ReplyDeleteIt's so beautiful. It's a great piece of writing, as the others said. I loved it! I can picture myself, feeling just the same. Thank you. And you are truly an inspiration:D
ReplyDeleteIngrid from Norway.
well written. spoke to my heart. Sarah
ReplyDeleteHey Lily! I just discovered your blog. As someone who has also experienced/suffered from bulimia, I can relate to a lot of what you are writing. It's nice to hear it so eloquently expressed but without any pretention.
ReplyDeleteI think it is very important to recognise the value of one's life... I am slowly learning to do this, but had a good experience over the last two days where I participated in group training for my work in the community sector. Usually I would hold back my comments, thinking "I talk too much" or "I don't know anything", but these two days I have brought my opinion forward, thinking, "even if I make a fool of myself, it helps to make someone else more comfortable." And I had more good stuff to say than I thought!
Anyway, just wanted to share that, and say thankyou for sharing yours.
Best wishes for the future and I will keep reading.
Amy from Australia
Great expression here...I experience things this way too....the light, the seemingly subtle parts of existing that swell and become enormous in intensity...thanks for this.
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